Happy New Year! 14 Months Old -- The (Other) Reasons Why I’m Happy I’m a Mommy

I have a couple of friends who are contemplating whether to take the Big Dive in this New Year- to have a baby or not. I hear questions like “What about my work-life? What about my personal goals, my free time? What about my relationships? My selfish lifestyle? I like not answering to anyone.” Well of course there will be sacrifices before, during, and after mommy-ness takes hold. But I must share that since I’ve succumbed to the mommy-ness in me, I’ve become a more enriched person (not just through the whole “giving a new life” thing) but through learning some unexpected lessons that my baby son has offered me.

I’d like to share a few of the gems that my little Sweet Potato (a.k.a. baby Alden) has offered me. It turns out, there is more to gain from being a mother, than just, well, the wondrousness of that baby. The following perks are the additional and unexpected reasons I’m happy I’m a mother.

Being Present

Alden is teaching me to live in the moment by quieting my mind (at least when I’m with him). I like the practice of sitting with ^*Bam when we play together, without worrying about the list of activities I’ve got to accomplish via my “routine”. This turns out to be pretty easy, because I know anything I’m doing with him is the highest use of my time. When I’m with my baby, I’m focused (and I know I better be, or else I would never, ever be able to find my car keys or purse).  

Patience & Perseverance

When I’m having an impatient moment (mercy- please fall asleep, I’ve got to be up in 2 hours), Alden unwittingly shows me that since I’ve got to stick it through (a.k.a. no choice), it’s best to have a positive attitude about it. Alden’s Daddy explains the secret to his patience (he’s got lots of it) is being able to see the Light at the End of the Tunnel (i.e., these challenges won’t last forever; they are passing, and will make way for new ones). Since I was not blessed with this “end of tunnel” sight, Alden paves my path to patience. I’m learning that even in the most challenging times, at least this time is he and I together –and is completely priceless. Maybe I’m best off trying to extend even the imperfect times. Because in the big picture, all these moments with him (and with life in general), are simply fleeting. Sigh.

Dropping the Ego (a.k.a. What Competition?)

Letting go of ego (wow, this is tough). Another daily crusade Alden strengthens me to tackle. I mean honestly, who really cares if the 10 month-old baby at daycare is already jogging circles around my toddler? The urge to compete has been so ingrained in me, that it’s actually been a cleansing and necessary experience to “just-let-go” of the thoughts around what everyone else and their children are doing, to happily focus inward. Every baby has a different journey to development, and it seems petty that we, the parents (although probably hard-wired in) would judge something as personal as growth - up against others. (Besides, since those other babies aren’t as smart as Alden, who cares how soon they’re walking?)

Personal Toughness

This mommy is getting a thick skin (refer back to earlier writing about painfully watching baby survive those colds and viruses). I used to think I could not tolerate watching Alden get sick and struggle through it. Well, it has happened on a few occasions now, and I’m finally adapting the back-bone it will require to be the mother of a toddler (and teenager!). This back-bone has actually translated to other areas of my life, where it pays not to be a wimp. And I’m proud to say, I’m less wimpy then I’ve ever been (although my husband would say that isn’t stating too much).

Love of Life (a.k.a. Play!)

This lesson is so obvious. Alden has taught me a new experience of Joy; I am having fun in more ways than ever before. I have learned the art of singing at random (fun), and of ridiculous-dancing when I hear a kid’s song (also fun). I’m enjoying a second chance at being a kid - and this is just the beginning.  This renaissance will keep me young for years, complete with several trips to Disneyland (at Matthew’s coaching), holiday rituals, and loads of children’s movies. I realize looking back on pre-mama days, that I was pretty boring as an adult. But as an adult with a baby, I’m super-fun with a capital S.

 

It seems like a hundred years ago that I was one of those contemplative (hesitant) girls with the question mark over my head (am I cut out to be a mother?). The answer was always a resounding yes… I’m learning life-lessons that have enlightened my existence as a person, making me feel very grateful I have had the experience of becoming a mother. My self, as well as my happiness have grown leaps and bounds since my baby was born. Viva La Baby.

 

By Erin Miller

 

 

* Baby Alden Miller

6 Months Old - What's With All The Germs?

Well, we've achieved 6 months in the life of little BAM (Baby Alden Miller). As was expected, and is known by most parents, life has taken on a richer meaning since having him, and I feel a sense of purpose I never had before. I have so much love in my heart lately, that I told Matthew I feel like I've turned into a big ball of mush. Something else I thought I'd never have so much of- coughing, phlegm, fevers, and trips to doctor.

Alden started daycare about 2 months ago. Funny thing, that's about the time he came down with his first cold-turned ear infection. Since then, an ear infection re-occurrence, another round of cold symptoms, and now Foot-Hand-Mouth (look it up-it's awful). What is with this? I remember hearing that daycares were nothing more than incubation chambers. Too bad this might be true!

I  knew we would go through the standard sicknesses when I became a mom. But I never took into account the unapologetic love I would have, and the drive to keep our child happy and out of pain.


This mommish-ness  has really interfered with my logical side! Phrases like "just a cold", "a fever won't hurt him", and "not as bad as it seems" are blocked from my internal conservation. Instead, phrases sound like "If he doesn't feel better in an hour we're off to Urgent Care." and, "no baby has ever thrown up so much".

It goes without saying- when BAM feels better, I do too. It's then easy to forget about the anxiety and sleep-deprived nights, wincing while listening to coughing on the monitor ("was that a throw-up cough, or a regular cough?"). But truthfully, Alden being repeatedly sick hasn't given much to the case for having a second baby. Whenever I start to lean toward the double-baby idea, all I need to do is recall my heartbreak in watching Alden at his low-points. Poof! Only-child is all I can see in my future.

I think my takeaway on this baby-sick journey, is that Mommy needs to get a thicker skin (I think it is building). The key is viewing this developing "toughness" as new strength. So maybe I've found a 'plus' side to enduring trauma with my baby? Maybe- it would be nice to know that something good will result from all these bacteria/germs. Because I am honestly not sold on the whole "getting sick builds immunity" argument. (Someone check back with me in 15 years, and let's see if our little guy quits being so sick!)


Until next time, big hugs to our family and friends.

Mommy Erin (and a 99% healthy Alden.)

3 Weeks Old and Ready for The Holidays

Written by Mommy Erin.

Wow - I cannot believe how many gifts, cards, and loving wishes we have received from our friends and family. Thank you!

It has definitely been a celebration - having Alden, and watching him grow over this past few weeks. We are blessed, and couldn't have asked for a more wonderful baby. And, we are getting the hang of this parenting business.

Matthew and I have been watching his personality bloom, even though Aldie is technically limited to crying, grunting, squeaking, and stretching (I especially love the squeaking - mostly while he's sleeping/dreaming). I do wish I could read his mind... at times he is staring off into the daylight, or times he is watching us, I would love to know where his heart and his "thoughts" are.

At 3 weeks old, Alden is enjoying his round-the-clock  nursing sessions... and Matthew and I are experiencing sleep deprivation, but still loving the process (although we are both admittedly looking forward to nights where the baby sleeps for longer than 2 1/2 hour stints).

Meanwhile, Matthew is getting us ready for the Christmas season, having put lights on the house, and digging out the Christmas decorations. Alden's first holiday season feels kind of like the "first" for me also... I haven't experienced so much excitement for Christmas since I was a kid! I finally get to experience the holidays as a child again -- as I'll be seeing them through Alden's eyes from now on.

Happy Holiday season to everybody - we are planning on enjoying baby's first Christmas down in California, but will probably spend future Christmas's up in Oregon with our Portland family. This year, we promise to take way too many photos/video. I'm sure there will be plenty of way-cute photo-ops.

37 Weeks - Full term countdown!

Well, we thought we might kick-off our Facebook and Blog pages at our big 37-week pregnancy mark. Partly because it's a good milestone, but mostly because I've just started my maternity leave, and finally have time to sit still for a bit. At 37 weeks (Friday, October 14th) the pregnancy is "full-term", and anything can happen, any time (official due date is November 4th).

It has been a whirlwind year, with (a smooth) pregnancy taking the forefront for Matthew and myself. But in addition to growing belly, we've purchased a house (moving a town over) and have entered into the swing of brand new jobs.

We're finally settled in to our new life in Dana Point, thanks to Matthew's non-stop work on the house, getting it quickly very liveable for us. Aside from 40+ a week of architecture work, he's practically been around-the-clock with Home Depot runs, repairs, and setting up our place. (Photos of the nursery are coming soon!). He has shown to be unstoppable.

The phrase around the house is "Buns of Steel" because that's what we are both getting, climbing the seemingly dozens of stairs in the house.

My best friend (and baby-auntie) Jennifer threw us an incredible Baby Shower at our place a couple weekends ago. Her perfectionist nature and a ton of work on her part, made our day- well, perfect and unforgettable. Topping off the atmosphere was a special visit from Matthew's mom Kevin, and some incredible baking on her part. We will post Shower photos soon.

We miss our family and friends, and hope that new channels of communication will open with our baby's arrival. It's finally time to slow down, enjoy life, and enjoy our new family; along with all the family who has loved us non-stop along this journey.

The baby boy will be born at Saddleback Hospital in Laguna Hills, and we are excited to reveal his name then. Don't worry, it's not too hippy - but also not too common. (We have a feeling it will fit him well.)


Love and light, until next time!
Erin